*rainbow* SELLIN LOBBYS 150 COOKED 300 UNCOOKED *rainbow* (at Giant Eagle)

Fact: adding kale to any smoothie immediately transforms it into delicious vomit

A great deterrent to organized crime: farts, maybe?

Deliberately seek out a more secluded chair at Starbucks, to allay others of an unusually strong episode of gas afflicting my morning.

Efforts are immediately squandered as I’m slowly revealed to have inadvertently sat next to one of those stacks of assorted abandoned newspapers that people keep coming by to rummage through

When people lament a “loss of that sense of community” as a cause to this or that societal woe, they’re usually just referring to me and my farts.